yea its been a long while since i last wrote. during this period of time a number of you has asked about this site: will i write again? thanks for the support. but when i look back at my past entries, i realize that they are mostly some angry complaints, some young and loud cynicism. it is always easy to look at the bad side and complain - it gives us excuses right? that being said, however, this is the very reason i decided to venture myself, in this very new environment (i didnt even notice that the interface had changed), to write again, and to appeal to you guys:

cheer up friends.

why does everyone sound so unhappy on their blogs? is this a place, as i boldly claimed a couple of years ago, in which emotions are exaggerated? or is this a place where true emotions are revealed? sometimes reality is such a harsh place that we lose the ability to express ourselves through normal channels, and have to use ways as such. but we all know it is not a healthy way, mentally and emotionally. look on the bright side, and think positively. i am not offering solutions, and i dont think i am very good at cheering people up anyway, so i might as well stop here.

take care, and be brave.

dealing with reality

there is still a wide gap between the ability to deal with reality and the outward capability. i have had the opportunity, and privilege, to work with many outstanding individuals. all of them are bright, sharp, quick-witted and determined - talk to them about john nash's game theories and they know it, probably up to a graduate school level - give them a most complicated calculus question and they finish it, with a simpler approach than the model answer, in no time. but somehow they are the clique of people who cannot deal with the reality. they go to highly recognized universities, have internships with prestigious multi-nationals, and possess incredibly impressive credentials - like starting a limited company or organizing a massive charity show in high school. (no intended target, and the fact is i might also be one) but they lack the execution skill. they just cannot get things done. things as easy as having a proper estimated budget or timetable for each project are overlooked by them. and all they do is, sit there, bullshit a while about why we should not have a budget because inflation might come, and how plato established the pessimistic equilibrium which proves we should prepare for contingencies instead of explicit tangible plans. like rock stars, they sound complicated and deep, are envied of, extremely good looking, but cannot do anything a little complicated themsevles. in short, they are a bunch of pedantic, highly educated and spoiled kids. these kids can fool most people for while. but mind you, just a while. when it comes to reality, it is about getting things done. it is about performance.

lack of a sense of responsibility is probably one big reason. we have witnessed too many goal-oriented people who lied to their friends in order to move up and make themselves stand out. they dont care about how other people or the society as a whole are affected by what they do - not because they are unaware, but they just dont give a damn. getting a great resume is more important than organizing a show and losing a hundred thousand bucks of finance. they are ambitious and are great leaders (because they usually manage to manipulate and motivate many people to work for them). but once they have achieved their goals, their enthusiasm fades out as well. their mentality changes from that of a great advocate to a wont-care-less third party. or in a deeper level, their mentality never changed - as a bunch of greatly cost-effiective economists, they embrace adam smith's self interest theory to a too great extent.

in my old school i witnessed a lot of politics, most performed adeptly by those kids. what short sightedness! by gaining some trivial advantages in certain areas, they are breaking the camel's back of many others as well. things like deceiving one's classmates about what one writes in his/her application essays, talking on one's friend's back just to gain recognition from another, or feigning determination when running for posts but slacking off after getting it, are perfect examples to demonstrate the lack of responsibility of the kids.

as a result, because they never actually have to get things done, they never learnt how to. days go by and their ability to execute the easiest things begins to deterioate and eventually extincts. they then evolve into life-less species who only care about SAT scores or summer internship instead of genuine life goals they should have envisioned - the long term plan. personally i know many 9A-ers who cannot do stuff like photocopying, using a washing machines, and who are not creative nor flexible.

people say playing smart can often avoid a lot of donkey work. right now, it seems those kids are the winning ones - but today i have another goal: play smart, but also play with morals, values and class. facing and dealing with the reality is probably the first step to achieve the above high standard.

and the reason for my hope to change? i just dont wanna be one of them.

hey, things were actually happening over here, just that i was taking a break from writing. the summer vacation has been surprisingly fulfilling so far - well at least compared to what i had expected. basically after the exam there were a lot of partying, catching up with good old friends (yet still counting down the days until next reunion), trying to force myself to stay up later in night to feel the so-called holiday indulgence and staying in bed for half an hour more for the same reason. also had several dinner with future schoolmates, st. pauls friends. then it was the graduation ceremony, when i gave a speech which embarassed even myself (its not easy mind you)...a lot of photo taking too. last night was the prom, which was not really a prom because of the lack of people and overall reserved atmosphere that prevails our school. and oh of course the after parties. while if you ask me to recount what actually happened, i will say nothing too fancy, but they were fun. maybe its just having a little drink and jerking hips and imitating house music. or maybe its just the presence of friends.

oh yes friends, what an interesting invention by the creator - the first day i went to the school, all i thought about was work hard and get into a good college. i didnt actually think about the people there - plus, you know, as a good boy developed in a traditional and conservative family and local school, it was quite a change. i was not very willing to conform either. however two years later, i am really not sure whether i have changed, and blended with the newfound culture, or things were actually not as complicated and conflicting as i first had imagined. yes, if there is one bad habit i am sure i will never get rid of, it is probably the tendency to think to much.

of course, friendship here is not just about hard liquor and bob sinclar's rock the party. before i came to fis, i thought international school people were always wasted, having too much party, swearing too much, but one thing i didnt realize was that they are actually the same. partying is just like, as we local people say, hea-ing together. besides, although i used to have the impression that international people tried to stay cool and unapproachable, and how hot chicks being pretencious, it is actually not true. it is all about putting your guard down and being yourself.

while in spite of going to fis, i have never forgotten about my friends in spcc. embracing two different lifestyles has only let me treasured each of them even more. i seriously enjoy chilling out with my good old st. paulians, who were the worst competitors in school (because they knock you out even if you have studied your ass off) at a starbucks and talk about everything from adam smith vs. karl marz economics theories to the latest production of tera patrick. nerdy you say, but thats the kind of life we were brought up to, and well, i dont feel any shame to admit it. yet i also love chilling with the fis people, seeing how they imitate weird dance moves and come up with their own. i dont feel that there is a different in any so-called intellectual level between the two, its just different lifestyles i guess.

if you look at my life, plot it out on a graph paper, you can say i am unlucky and at the same time lucky too. thats because i guess it all depends on how you look at it. instead of holding a myopic and cynical point of view, i would rather just say i am honestly thankful for everything that you guys have made possible. cheers, and all the best in future.